What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

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I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Why is Tiananmen Square censored?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

I am married for 3 years. My husband keeps pressing my boobs 40-50 times a day. He never stops though I ask him not to. What I should do to stop it?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Why do I feel so down and not happy anymore? I also feel really tired and non-motivated. Is that normal for someone to feel that way?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Why is squid ink safe to eat, while skunk spray is not? What makes the two liquids different from each other?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Why would calling me an incel help anything? How does that solve anything? Why can’t you actually be helpful and offer productive honest advice?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Why is Hinduism not polytheistic?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Make Nazis afraid again!

What were Sauron's powers in The Lord of the Rings (LOTR)? Did he have any magic or anything like that?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Why are we explaining today’s “climate change” as driven by human related “green house” gasses when natural “global warming” pushed sea level up to the “shores” of Topeka with no human contribution or even presence? Is Occam’s Rasor applied?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Any straight men had a gay experience in the past? What was it and how did you feel?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!